Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Babies with Rabies

I have a deep debt to Mr. Quicksilverwolf, who commented on the previous post, because I was really ill this weekend and was just getting better when I read his suggestion about the rabid hordes of rabidified virii that I might have gotten playing with bats that were, oh, flying around my apartment like crazy ass mad bats. So, I checked the good doctor (webMD) and the symptoms were the same and then I went to the bad doctors (Kaiser Permanente- der Kaiser... er ist permanent, ja? Ole'!) and after they called around to some experts they agreed that I should do the rabies shots.

Let me tell you about those. They put a coke can's worth of vaccine into me. Into my ass, specifically. Then they shot my arm with some Golobulus thing and now I can't raise my left arm above horizontal without muttering "fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck". I read the "side effects" that come with the vaccine and I swear to god that one of them says that 30% of those vaccinated will feel "malaise." Oh, lord if I could be part of the 70% that just feels ennui. But no, I have malaise, which generally means that I feel like shit all over, but ESPECIALLY in my ass. The selfsame ass I use for sitting.

I get to have these shots four more times over the next month or so. Granted, the other option is foamy, foamy death. I love this world and the lady I've found in it, so shots it shall be. But all of you keep in mind one important thing: a vaccine is just a dead virus. That means that for another month or so, I'm going to be a smidge rabid: and there's nothing worse than a horde of rabid smidges.


Anonymous qkslvrwolf said...

I'm sorry to hear about the pain of the rabies shots...I'm glad you're getting them, though. I think your apartment should pay for it. :-)

{shakes head, giggles over shots story}

Oh, my.

2:59 PM  
Anonymous Jess said...

.... they have a new type of vaccine... the shots are the old way.

5:19 PM  
Blogger Alcarwen said...

um, my condolences to your ass... now I'll suggest that you watch "batman begins" on eternal-repeat to make yourself feel better.... or something like that.... no wait. I'll go do that. Just for Christian Bale.

12:53 PM  

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