Wednesday, November 17, 2004

This site has been getting some serious attention lately; let me be the first to jump on an already crowded bandwagon.

A couple of comments; I'm apologizing first of all to the people we've hurt the most and damned if it doesn't look like it will get much, much worse. I remember joking before the election that Bush winning would mean extra job security to all us cracker Arabic speakers, but I take it back.

Secondly, I was in Britain for 9/11 and the invasion of Afghanistan. I had the dismay of watching as all the free beers and sympathy dried up to be replaced by candlelight peace vigils and intense questioning directed towards me about American policy objectives. For once, the "you'd be speaking German right now, limey" defense fell flat.

So this website serves two purposes; when we go travelling, perhaps more people in the world will remember that a democracy means a bickering ideological Balkans and nothing will piss off half the citizenry more than being mislabled as voting for "that guy," whichever he may be. Secondly, I suppose when the Canadian troops invade these pictures will be used to place Jesusland's traitors in places of power.

I believe that might does make right, but it's never been done. Please, put me in charge.

Monday, November 01, 2004

On Seeing the State of the Francis Scott Key Bridge on the Morning After Halloween

Ohhho say can you seeeeee,
the bridge covered with TeePeeeeee
The streets proooooudly were creamed
with white stuff-for-shaving

Whose good sons and bright girls,
were transformed into churls
and the saaaaaane of the world
into maniacs, raving.

And the brakelights red glare!!
And skirts that show underwear!!

Gave proof to the might
of drunks ev-ry-where

Oh say does that sun dap-pled toilet paper yet waaaaaave
o'er the morne of all saints' day
and the caaaaaaaaandy I crave.